Thoughts

Where joy and vulnerability meet

The cold hit me the moment my husband and I stepped out of the New York airport. My younger daughter, living there just for a year, waved from behind the barrier with a smile big enough to melt the chill.

November 26, 2025

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The cold hit me the moment my husband and I stepped out of the New York airport. My younger daughter, living there just for a year, waved from behind the barrier with a smile big enough to melt the chill.
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Meanwhile my frail father was in hospital, perhaps in his final few weeks or even days. Before I’d boarded, I’d called my mother to say I was on my way for this short trip. “Your father and I want you to go,” she said, her voice trembling. “We want you to live your life.” She was saying: Don’t stop living just because we can’t. Her words felt like both a blessing and a heartbreak.
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A few hours later, we were plunged into a very different world: our first American Thanksgiving. Warm house, chatter everywhere, far too many cooks in the kitchen. We tucked into the meal, squeezed shoulder-to-shoulder. We loved the  overlapping conversations, the debate about who would carve the turkey, the many delicious dishes.
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Then came a family tradition my husband’s aunt had kept going for years: going round the table, each person naming something they were grateful for. Simple - and remarkably disarming. Gratitude spoken aloud sounds so different.
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There’s a verse in the Qur’an, the book Muslims turn to for guidance, where God says, “And remember, when your Lord proclaimed: If you are grateful, I will surely give you more.” (14:7) Not more things - certainly not more for an already overflowing table - but more awareness, more presence, more ability to appreciate what - and who - is already here.
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As the philosopher Martha Nussbaum writes: gratitude grows deepest where joy and vulnerability meet. Gratitude, I realised, isn’t only about saying “thank you.” It’s about honouring the people we love — especially when time feels fragile. Sitting there that day, with laughter around me and my mother’s words still echoing gently, I could truly feel that.
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Perhaps real thanksgiving isn’t the meal at all, but those quiet moments when we pause long enough to notice what - and who - makes our lives whole.
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Though I have to say, the sweet-potato pie was pretty good too.

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